Chicken Tikka Masala - You Suck at Cooking (episode 69)

Alright, today we are going to make Chicken Tikka Masala this dish is very popular all across United Kingdom of England. In fact, it's one of Britain's national dishes, just like fish and chips is. They can be eaten by the sea or even beneath eclipses you know that one... You Suck At Cooking Yeah You're Totally Rubbish Fun Fact: The original fish and chips was served with wood chips.

Such a hearty people, we've gone so soft... *Munches wood chips* First step to making a chicken marinade is to Pour yourself a pint We're gonna have a laugh Have a bite Have a really good time Enjoy ourselves before Brexit wrecks it One of the weirdest things about growing up in United Britain is that there's so many different accents, it's confusing It might even sound like I'm not from there, but... That just means you haven't been to the Cardiff area, where I'm from *burps loudly* quart to take around half-a-cup of fresh yogurt there's a bunch of different spices you can use I'm gonna use a teaspoon of cumin ...Going to take some fresh coriander Tumeric Turmaric Let's call the whole thing off Here take some fresh garam masala This one's really important 'cause it's got the name Masala And it just like the dish so don't skimp out on this one If you're trying to save money on spices We're gonna WangeJangle this together 'til it's all sort've a tea kettle alright now we're gonna take a fresh Can of chicken The idea behind the marinade is it's supposed to make the chicken more tender And absorb the flavors, but if you ask me I think chicken's already tender Both physically and emotionally so... Its like how much more tender Do you need? ALWAYS BURN YOUR CHICKEN CAN FOR THE SAKE O' SAFETY.

*Chopping onions* ...And when you're grating ginger Just carve off the end See that's a handle Keeps you out of danger A lot of people don't know the history of this dish Goes back to the druids when they were building Stonehenge They were pretty knackered from lifting very heavy rocks So one druid said, "You know what I'm pretty hungry" "Why don't we mix up some chicken and spice?" And...That's how it was made and then they Finished the job and everyone was happy And it's been popular ever since, that was around 1920's. A lot of Chicken Tikka Masala recipes call for garlic but I can't be bothered right now, don't really feel like chopping it so I'm not gonna put it in Right it's time to make this sauce lets get some butter in there ...And we're gonna get the spices in there Just cook that up a bit Appear to get a can of crushed tomatoes And then some more fresh yogurt I think a spoon of sugar would be really good This doesn't have to be a spicy dish, but I'm gonna put in a little bit spice Just gonna let that cook for a while All right it's time for tea Let's have a proper brew Step one is to stroll on over to your bedroom And get your water bottle Take an ice cool cup o' bog water Then you just take your water bottle And water surround it With the heat It may take a few seconds for it to be completely Hot And you want to take a bag and put it inside there And then, you want to take a plate *Biscuits breaking* And have yourself 20 or 30 biscuits You want to get biscuits That are so boring, that going to make the tea Taste good it should be like Cardboard *slurping sounds* Ah, taste like home Where I am right now In England. You take old chicken that's been in the fridge Marinating, getting soooo much more tender than's even possible Just going to spread that out on the pan And we got the ondo on fivehundo It's like the highest We ever had it in our whole life Right, it is like really exciting It is like danger It is like you better have one of these We are going to burn your fingers We are going to put it right on top We're going to turn the lights so we can see what we are doing Then we are going to watch Oh? We can't oh? Its too hot, it's too dirty *Spraying sounds* All right Yep no Oh yeah there we go I can see it perfectly Its getting hot in here   So take out all your chicken In the Mean while the sauce is cooking ever so Slowly, just very gently This is a lovely time to take a walk Along the public footpath As is my right Alright let's make some rice That goes in there Then two times the water, One Two Just cook that till its cooked Basmati, Basmolti Let's not fight, there we go Nope, let's try this No another Close enough Sigh There you not going anywhere are you Right the chicken is getting black I almost forgot about it Don't look away Do not check your text messages Do not forget you've got something on the broil Awhhh, you cheeky bastard Come on! I don't got all day! You didn't take this long when the druids made you, I bet You had more respect Oh,  Christ Almighty Look at that   There we go Now we're ready So let's get this   Chicken And you'll want to cook it for a few more minutes Want to chop up some coriander Take some of your beautiful rice Hmm looks really good You'll want to put some of the herbs on top Alright so thats Chicken Tikka Masala Keep in mind because its a national dish   of Britain You're legally obligated to give the first bite to the Queen Here you go I'm not allowed to say anything To her unless she speaks to you first And, um, it's just a common courtesy To give, uh, to give a bite to Prince Phillip, the forgotten one, Here you go, Help yourself, take your time, alright And, uh, you don't want to forget about, uh Harry, got to He's got a pretty big appetite it's like the same colour. Right, it's basically it You can do it, we all can do it Together, one country, one Dish.

Let's keep in mind all these spices Come from the Scottish spice Mines, a lot of our friends from the north Same people, one people One God, several beliefs All together, i don't know I'm not good at slogans  Chicken Tikka  Masala tastes so   Good when it's   Inside my mouth     It tastes so good   At night and in   The day as well, pretty   Much any time   You eat it, it will   Taste good  *music gradually stops* Don't forget to SUBSCRITE. :).

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6 Fun Cooking Tricks

1: Colored Pasta
Okay, start by taking some pasta and add it into some boiling water with salt and olive
oil, then like you do, cook it and separate it out. Once youve removed the water, you
take a little bit of the pasta and add it into a bowl, just like this. Then you take
some food coloring, in this case red and dip your fork into and then evenly mix it through
the pasta until its all one uniform color, in this case red. Then proceed to do that
with more colors like green, purple, pink, blue, and yellow.
Then once youve done it with all the colors youve got access to then get a big bowl
and add all the colors back in, this is the red pasta, green, some purple, some yellow,
a pink and a blue, then just mix this together and youve got beautiful rainbow colored
pasta.

You can reheat this in the microwave and add some hot sauce on it and youre
good to go  enjoy! 2: Ice Cream Cookies
Alright, you take your ice cream tub, in this case Ben & Jerrys Chunky Monkey and cut
straight through it. You just want to cut a disk about one inch thick, thats two
and a half centimeters, just like this and then you just want to take your disk and take
a chocolate chip cookie. This one is chocolate with chocolate chip and just place it in the
middle like this, and then put your cookie on top. Then you find the seal and you just
peel it off, you peel the cardboard all the way around away from your ice cream.

Now just
press it in a little bit, there we go weve got a chocolate chip ice cream cookie. Awesome!
Im just going to cut this in half so you guys can see better, look at that, perfect
and delicious! 3: Egg Bottle
There are many ways to separate egg yolks. To start with you can just crack and egg open
and then use the shells to separate the egg yolk by moving it from shell to shell. Or
on the right you can just do it with your hands and then just pop the egg over there.
Either way works great, but there is a better way and more fun way.

For this you just crack
your egg into a bowl like this then you get an empty bottle of water, squeeze, suck it
up and then just remove it from the bowl and then you just plop it wherever you want it.
There you go, easy-peasy! 4: Egg Cooking Trick
Okay for this next trick you take a red bell pepper and just slice a ring into it two centimeters
thick thats 4/5 of an inch and then remove the center cartilage. Then place it into a
pan with some butter and simply crack and egg and place it into the center of your red
bell pepper ring. You can also do the same with a green bell pepper ring, just again
crack the egg inside, and you can also do the same with an onion ring just crack your
egg in the center. Then you cook it like you normally would, a sunny side up egg, but this
way you have a much more interesting way and intriguing way to serve up your breakfast.
5: Yogurt Ice Cream Now for this trick you take some yogurt, mine
has got some jam in the bottom and you just pop the spoon straight through the lid and
then mix it, just like so.

Then once youve done that you are just going to want to put
this into the freezer to freeze and become nice and hard. You can do it any flavor you
want and have any flavor yogurt ice cream you want.
Once its frozen like this you just take a knife and make an incision on the bottom
so air can come into the bottom when you pull it out and its easier to remove. Then remove
the top film from your yogurt, then you simply just pull it out just like so and then youve
got this delicious yogurt ice cream that you can give to someone you care about  in
this case, my cousin. Cousin: Mm, its really nice!
6: Egg Heart Now to make an egg heart, you take a cardboard
piece like this in a V-shape and you place a boiled peeled egg in the middle just like
so then put a chopstick on top and then tie down each end with an elastic band just putting
it around there and twisting it  there we go.

Do the same on the other side, just
like that, and now leave it in the fridge for 20 to 30 minutes to rest and become firm.
This is after 20 to 30 minutes, just pull it out put it on your cutting board and cut
it in the middle, just like so, and low and behold youve got a beautiful egg heart
that you can add to salads or your breakfast. Please subscribe and dont forget to check
out my other cooking tricks video. Thank you for watching, goodbye!
END..

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6 Amazing Cooking Tricks

Alright, lets get going, six little tricks
to use in the kitchen. First off take a hardboiled egg, place it
in a jar, add a little bit of water to cover, then you just place your hand over the jar
and shake it like mad. Once youre done which is pretty soon just take the egg out
and the shell is basically falling off the boiled egg. Its that easy to remove.
Alright trick number five, staying on the same shaking idea, this is a garlic bulb and
Im just going to place it in a jar and again shake like mad.

Okay once youve done
that for a little bit then you just pop it out and you just remove some of the husks
because theyll get in the way later. Once you remove the husks just put all these garlic
cloves back inside, put the lid back on and again shake like crazy. Keep shaking, just
carry on shaking and now you just pop it out and all the skins have separated from the
cloves. You can just pick them away and put them to one side.

Then youve got these
beautiful little garlic cloves, any of the skins that are still on you can put them in
the jar and shake again or just easily pull it off, very easily like that.
Okay trick number four, take a kiwi, slice it in half then take a glass, press the glass
into the corner of the kiwi and then up against the back of the skin all the way up until
the skin is completely removed in one go. There we go, now youve got half a kiwi
perfectly peeledthat easy. You can also do the same with mangos.
Now trick number three, take a banana and a sewing needle and then you just want to
take the sewing needle and push it in through one of the corners and then just slide it
on the inside cutting the inside of the banana, just like that. And then you just move it
down a couple centimeters and do another cut, and then move it down a couple more centimeters
and do another cut again and you continue all the way down the spine of the banana until
you reach the bottom.

And then I suggest you do not open it yourself but to hand it over
to a friend so they can open it and make sure they didnt see you doing this. All theyll
see is some dots going across the side of the banana, but to their amazement when they
open it, it will be cut into slices because theres some kind of black magic or something,
who knows. Its surely going to fascinate and amaze whoever you show it to.
Alright trick number two, take a paprika or a red bell pepper and you slice the top off.
Then you slice the bottom off, and here Im going to show you how to efficiently cut this
paprika and break it down. Just slice into the side just like this and then remove the
core by disconnecting the main connector tissues from the inside, just those three struts.
Then place your core on the side, then flip over the outer skin of the paprika and slice
it into thin slices just like this.

Once youve done that then just take the top, you can
remove this little green part on the top of the paprika by just pressing on the back with
your thumbs and popping out just like this, and then you just simply take the top part
and slice it again in thin slices. You take now the bottom and also slice that in slices,
just like this. Then youve got all this flesh that you can use with most of the paprika,
and you have the extra little core bits, the most efficient way to cut it.
Now for the final trick, trick number one. You just take a knife and a potato and you
put them together and twirl the potato around while you cut into the skin just softly in
a circular motion.

Then you take it and you cook it like you normally would. Now by cooking
the skin with the potato you actually infuse the potato with more flavor because most of
the flavor of the potato is actually in the skin so you get more potato mash, and once
youve cooked it you can just pull the skin off just like this and its so much more
efficient, you dont waste any potato and its much quicker than peeling it.
END..

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5 Easy Breakfasts - You Suck at Cooking (episode 64)

You suck at cooking. Yeah, you totally suck. All right, today we're doing 5 easy breakfasts. Breakfast #1 - Apples and Almond Butter.

So, you're gonna make some apple slices. Take some almond butter and just spread that on there to create an open-faced apple almond butter sandwich. Mmm, you can also do a closed face sandwich. You can make a reverse open-faced sandwich.

Or you can make apple sticks with almond dip. This is great if you have kids or if you have immature adults. Or apple chopsticks with almond butter noodles. Or you can carve a little apple spoon and just eat the almond butter straight out of a bowl.

But breakfast can be this simple. This whole idea that breakfast is the most important meal of the day is propaganda created by the cereal. *Muffled eating* Breakfast #2 - Microwave Egg in a Mug Start by taking your mug and spraying it full of non-stick chemicals. I'm gonna take a shell-less egg and scramble it up a bit and just pour that in there.

I'm gonna take a little bit of green pepper. Throw that in there and a little bit of tomato. Throw in some pepper pepper pepper and a pinch of salt. Actually *whispering* Just give that another little mix.

Now let's take this To the microwave. Let's try 20 seconds, wait till it looks like a scene in the movie Gremlins Look at that. You give it a little stir and see if it's cooked through It needs a few more seconds. Pop it back in.

It's great on some parm. Boom, got a little omelette in a mug also known as a mugelet or an omelug and don't forget to serve it with A hot plate of coffee, okay Breakfast #3 Banana Peanut Butter. It's gonna take your banana, and you can just Dip that into the peanut butter and then go ahead and It's actually better if you take a bite by bite, and just spread a little peanut butter on and then eat it mmm... I love this breakfast.

Another thing you can do is take your banana put a few holes in the side fill those up with peanut butter if you want to make this in advance for the next morning and just slide it back into your banana skin, close that up. I'll take a glue gun take your zipper put some hot glue down each side here be very careful hot glue will fuck you up and then, ow ow, ow, ow. Just go lay that out along the edge till that secure in place, and then when you're ready your breakfast in the morning You can save so much time just by zipping that open and go into town on your peanut butter banana I recommend throwing that in the fridge Breakfast #4 Overnight Oats So you're gonna take some oats around 1/2 cup then we're gonna distill these between the Mason jars Til we have triple distilled mason oats, or trip des motes. Then you have the same amount of milk I'm using vanilla almond milk You can use whatever you want equal parts oats, and milk is the base of overnight oats.

From there you can add whatever you want to flavor it. I personally love a big scoop of peanut butter a very popular overnight oats additive as chia seeds Yes These are the same ones that go on the pet if you are already using a sweetened milk like sweetened soy or Almond milk, you can add a little bit of maple syrup or other sweetener And then just stir that up then you screw on the lid and this goes in the fridge overnight And they taste best when they're served on a fresh yoga mat And now we're at Breakfast #5 making this starts by going for a walking And coming to terms of the fact that if you make this you're never gonna be a home owner or making avocado toast *cutting the avocado weirdly* Well, I really hope it was worth it Breakfast. Break So go at a speed that you want to go Don't let anybody say you go too slow unless you're late cuz you're on your owwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnn Do not let anyone tell you how fast to go. Gotta get to work, gotta get to school, gotta get to bed, gotta get it up Do not let anyone tell you how slow to go Gotta cut the grass, gotta wash the car, gotta, gotta, gotta make breakfast right now.

You suck at breakfast. Oh my God, you suck..

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[ASMR] Chef Tingting Cooking For You!

Hi guys, Welcome back I have a very special cooking ASMR video for you today! I have always wanted to do a cooking video Because, I love chopping sounds. Thanks to Blue Apron for sponsoring this video I have the chance to share some of these new sounds with you. I cook at home a lot, because you can make healthy food and it is a lot cheaper too. Sometimes, I don't know what to make.

Which is why Blue Apron is great They give you a new menu that you can pick from every week. With eight different recipes. If you want to try it out, you can check out the link in the description below. The first fifty people who sign up will get forty dollars off your first two weeks of Blue Apron.

Ok? Let's start! Today, I will be making some Creamy Tomato Pasta Every thing I need is provided.  So I don't have to go to the supermarket and I wont waste anything too. I like cutting so much. So every time I make Chinese food I always put a lot of garlic I chose the two people plan, but they also have a family plan if you need more food.

Ok, Let's start chopping! Here I have a Zucchini, I think it has a very cute name. I call it, Cucumber's brother. Let's cut it. I love these Zucchinis like, sugar worms? Zucchini X3 It makes a very nice sound.

A little bit sticks on there. I always think mushrooms, look very cute. Like a small umbrella. Let's put it in the dish And, these cute ones.

Here, I have Onion's sister the little one. I'm really happy to make this special ASMR cooking video for you today. Because, we can find a lot of new and amazing sounds. In this video.

I can say "I like chopping sounds" very much. *Multiple "Chops"* I learned how to cook from my mom.  She is good at cooking. So very time when I have friends come to my home she likes to make a lot of delicious food for them.

My friends, like it so much and it makes her very happy. I think because she enjoys cooking very much. She always said "Give food your love and your heart." I think that is the reason why she can make really delicious food. For me I think Tomato is very comfortable food.

It's easy to make and easy to eat. I like eating it with some hot soups, it kind of  makes my body warm. And comfortable. When I eat pasta I like to add a lot of cheese.

I think cheese is very delicious, but not very Chinese like to eat cheese. I remember, when my father ate a little piece of pizza. It was his first time. It had cheese and he said "This taste very special." "It's very creamy." But I think It was a little bit of a heavy for him, because he wasn't hungry for the next two days.

I hope you guys enjoyed this video. Have a good day and I will see you next time! Bye Bye. Thank you, to my lovely Patrons. Tony Hrannar Jeb Iris Matt Nolan Ben Claude And Kymberly For the...

If you, would like to become a Patron check out my Patron page.  For cool rewards And don't forget to leave a like and to turn on your notifications. So you don't miss any future videos. If you would enjoyed this video, don't forget to subscribe, and here are some other videos you might like.

Also check out my other ASMR channel, Sweet dreams..

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Angry Asian Restaurant Soda Prank (Stop Motion Animation) - Ownage Pranks

Chinese restaurant Raymond speaking May I help you, Good evening Yeah can I make the order today for the for pick up please? Certainly! Go ahead please Okay, can I have  uhh, one order of the orange chicken? Okay? Can I have uhh one order of the Boosack noodle? Okay? How many are you going share?   On the noodle? Do people usually share the boosack? I thought   you know one, Yeah, One person per boosack right? Right, So just one order is enough? Yeah, I think I think, Lets do two. Okay, Two order of the noodle okay? Okay- And then one order of orange chicken, Anything else? Do you have a Poo Poo Platter? Poo Poo platter no. We don't. What about the um titty lo mein? Chicken lo mein? Yes we do! Okay.

Let me get the uh one titty ro mein please. Chicken Lo Mein. Okay? Hmmm I'll try to think what I want.. What do you want? Do you want something from here? Hello? Your phone is breaking up .

I can't hear you Hello? I'm sorry I'm talking to my family. Do you want something? I don't know Like a some body. That is too much money.   I can't buy all this stuff you know? I have to work very hard.

Hello? Hi. Do you have a big coke to drink? No. We don't. Do you have- We only have serve can soda.

Oh so you have the small coke right? Yeah, in the can K, How much money? Two dollars. What?! Wait for one can?! Two dollars for one can, yeah Two dollars, What the hell?! That is too much money, man! I want the soda but not for the two dollar for only fifty cents. That's all we have, That's what we offer, ma'am. Okay look give me the soda for fifty cents.

No, we can't. You can do it I believe in you okay. No, No, No, We cannot. You- I'm sorry, maybe you should call someone else.

No I don't call someone else, I call and talk to you right now I want to get the food today. Ma'am, Ma'am, Ma'am I'm sorry I'm really busy right now okay? So- Listen mother asshole. Don't be the cheap ass okay? Hello? What the hell I want my Boosack Noodle. Hello, Chinese Restaurant May I help you? I'm calling right now somebody I talk to he hung up on me.

Hmmmmmm One minute, Okay. Hurry up. (Inaudible) Hello? Can I talk the mother asshole that hung up on me? Uhh I think he just stepped out. You want - Hey I'm not a asshole okay?! You want to come down and talk to me you are playing games with me okay?! What the hell man?! I'm going to call a cop right now that will be waiting for you.

Here Mother fucking guy- You get your ass down here I'll talk to you. Hey mother ass- You come down here. Hey, Hey Take a chill pill okay? I'm talking to you right now. You fucking dumb shit you asshole.

Mother fucking guy what the hell did you say to me?! Oh shit. I'll come to you right now and we'll do this you know? One on One. Hello? Hello, Hello?!?! Hello?! Yeah you mother fucker?! Mother fucking guy why the hell did you hang up on me?! The hello?! (Inaudible) What the hell?.

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A geeky guy takes his date to an Indian restaurant. To his horror, she goes off-menu in Hindi.

So common that new with it. Yeah From his butcher English no why how would it what see all right? Morning Well tell us. What happen in Quiet simply. I was like a gladiator waiting to enter the arena primed and ready Thinking about and I should have met at the restaurant instead of on the corner Uh, who meets on a corner.

I know, I think it would be awkward walking into place chats alongside my witty normal chat But you're not normal. There's a subjective opinion, and you are awkward I'm a social chameleon you can adapt and fit in anywhere with anyone and Chloe's cool funny And totally get. Take us back, how did you get a date in the first place? Simple I thought only the best Indian restaurant in the city the one no one knows about Come on. Come on playing the brown card earlier.

It's all documents a one-hour free, but well then tell us I mean, I ain't gonna be awkward in the south of Nazareth yeah. I'm trying but you keep interrupting. Hello. Helloo..Hey, you came.

Yeah One Mill Shall we. Where we going? This way oh, sorry next One, oh She wasn't gonna know what hit her, it was heart on the sleeve sleeve in her face. That's what I was going to do, pound her face with my sleeve you were going to punch her. Metaphorically, yes.

Nice! I took her to the dosas for, near the one the curry gods forbid you to let the white pin on you Rose and Joshua I thought he said that place to close down he had, for refurbishments emailing Savio trust me food Here is as good as any Indian mother's mother has ever cooked; properly prepared, proper spices made you know the right way would care Very important in our culture, Very important! I've been looking forward to this I'm going to one of their famous dosas. You should have one too good for first-timers   Umm I will have the rommel extra special please You what she been here before. Boys. She went off menu Off menu   I will just have a Dosa I Love this place I'm alone today   Yeah, Been here few times, I used to go out with this Indian guy Vinay He used to rave about this place.

The ram-Laksha not on the menu It's this special curry that the chefs have passed down through the centuries Memory makes the recipe, but it tastes like It's got everything in it, cardamom, fennel, nutmeg, cumin; everything It tastes Divine. It's very authentic Do you really like this is it a bit bland for me? This is a delicious. I Can't believe it. She'd not the brown right out of me.

I wanted to be the first guy to taken there on a cultural odyssey Dark and mysterious, that's all I've got Competent to know Karma Sutra moves. Can't do the comedy on Clarkson. You want me to, I can. No its fine.

Don't need it but What do I have left impress her with. Yeah, its so awkward. She obviously loves a bit of Brown. Thats what she says what happened with you and Vinny.

It's ..Vinay, yeah, he hated been called Vinny. Maybe we shouldn't talk about our exes. No. No totally understand.

Yes. I'd be the day But you guys went together that long. We backpacked around India for four and three-quarter months together I'm more interested in the authentic Indian experience rather than the British Asian one Have you ever been to India? Yeah! Ofcourse The Motherland, go go back. Yeah, but I get travel sick.

And I have to watch for, what eat, when I get out there as well because that makes me sick Anyway, you were saying, India gone Love India and When we got back I said let's move in together, and Vinay and his comedy troupe headed up to edinburgh He needed time to work on himself or his material He is an artist; can't pin him down. This guy sounded amazing. I wanted to be any cool Asian boys she knew. I want to be in a comedy troupe I want to be Vinay.

Been a a bit of a bollywood star but cooler with good facial hair and an Auora around him He's brown gosling. That's who he is, a real hero, a real human being You can see her smiling to herself The smile was pretty big either measures recalling the beautiful memory. He was such an important part of her life But talking about it would ruin the atmosphere       Yep Forget Vinay. Sounds whirlwind.

Come on man, Get back in the game play to your strengths, Brown it up a bit It was like a rick steiner. Talk about all your gods. Tell her story about your ... Who's rick stein No, Thanks, I will eat using my hands (in hindi).

Can you believe she's spoken perfect Hindi? All right, I need the cutlery Oh man she sounds amazing, you should totally take her to your mom Yeah, but for instant Pavan in India, he is not going to have a scooby. Oh, what the same is it? I Watched as she tore into her special dish with her fingers, shaped like an expert Whipping it up to her gorgeous mouth without spilling any drops anywhere. It was impressive, but bloody messy on those fingers Are going to help the thing how would she ever get them clean or get rid of the smell? Yeah, I just Wasn't hungry anymore. You know what's funny right? Last time.

I was here. So these two old men sat eating like this How can that be comfy, right? Vinay said that all the old Indian men do this at the dinner tables, ...Your dad No I mean my dad was a stickler for table Manners Everything had to be in with a knife and fork even weetabix what, my dad thought that's how you integrate we gave the empire pajamas and branders, and they gave us cutlery and cleaner hands   (Bollywood song playing in background - from movie "Ram Lakhan" - Deena Deen dha)         (Hindi - Rump pum pum ...)       (Hindi - Rump pum pum ... Both singing)   (Hindi - Ye jee O Jee...) 1 2 Ka (hindi) 4 4 2 ka (hindi) 1, my name is Lakhan, my name is Lakhan (song continues in hindi) We were back on track. I only knew two Bollywood songs off by heart as far as Chloe was concerned I was as Indian as Vinay.

I decided to go for it I Could feel her smile all around my lips I could taste the cardamom the fennel in not idiot you're kissing her or you could think about is food No, I pulled away because all I could think about was vinay, was I kissing better or worse than him? I Know what we can do Come with me my sweetheart (in hindi) What did she say I've got no idea? Pavan That's good. It's completely cool. Ok, Are you ready? Well? What is this place. Secret, India I just took you to secret India.

Yeah trust me. This is the real India come on, Dosa boy! I had no idea where we were heading Place smell of hot steaming boiled milk and aniseed. Yet, aniseed. It was definitely aniseed! (Lot of noise and bit of music) Right, all my Uncles' had got together for private boys night there is men everywhere, back slapping, there is music, tea, cards ah and everyone's chewing away with these red teeth (A man spits the "Paan" an indian chewing item) I mean where was I, who were these people? It was hot, smelly and dirty; this really could be India (Man speaking in hindi over phone) You should understand! She means nothing to me obviously she means nothing to me, I don't know her.

Hello ("Namastey"in Hindi) Oh, Chamchee (slang name given by the man) Surprise surprise she knew his name he knew her name. They're of chatting away in Hindi ... And I felt like a little boy stood by her mother again Waiting for the uncle to ask me how school was going, Or how tall I was getting or? When I'm getting married it was always in that order ...Great stuff! Calcutta express, for myself, thank you (speaking in hindi) umm, Sure, it will be first class (in hindi), Chamchee And for you (in hindi). What is it? Paan! ...

Big chewy after dinner stuff sweet stuff! ...Betel leaf Yeah, Yeah, of course Bloody Paan (betel leaf) Yeah, no, I had to make sure what it was because it could be anything. So, Yeah, no problem. No bloody problem mmM. What will you take (in hindi)...

What you for Just the Normal one regular bog-Standard Build this tea is fun You want tea flavor No, No just Whatever you recommend I Had no idea. (In hindi) for him, one sweet Paan (indian betel leaf item), Thank you! She was fluid in her order practiced by a thousand visits. I suspect is this, is this weed no Ready all-in-one all-in-one The taste of the Leaf dried my mouth out So I nearly wretched as I bit into it, sugar and tang and the aniseed spill onto my tongue But she was still going loving it. Oh It was ridiculous my mouse was under attack.

I needed to get a secret India out of my mouth ... (Vomiting sound) oh, oh oh It's late and unschool night. Let's get you back. I Sat there and thought what am I doing? I don't even like fiery gobstoppers, and she's making me nick the killer Asian equivalent this isn't me I Realized my dad was right if he can't eat with a knife and a fork, then it wasn't designed to be eaten by an Englishman Sorry by a gentleman And that's what you've learned Yeah in summary.

I'm using the food as a metaphor. You can't date a metaphor. I know but she just wasn't my cup of Dosa she what your cup of Dosa all right You're right Yeah, genuine yum So we need to find you a nerdy girl who loves dosas Man, I do love those I do love Dosas! Today today, I feel okay tomorrow tomorrow Do the soup - stuff I can revoke we both.

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