Jordan Schlansky Lectures Conan About Coffee In Naples- CONAN on TBS

Yeah I just want to get a cup of coffee. Yes, that's why we're here this is the best place
to get one in Naples. Now we come over here and we pay first. Worried substantively with paying first, what if I'm not happy with what I'm- Excuse me.

(Speaking Italian) You know what I love about Naples? People stand to get this coffee, they don't sit in a corner
and write a screenplay for four hours, you know what I mean? It's called "espresso",
it's an express activity. You get in, and you get out,
and you go about your day. It's called "espresso",
it's an express activity. (Audience laughing and cheering) When you order your
coffee, I'll order and then you should say, (swears in Italian) Yes like, "I want it (beep) hot." You missed the entire
preparation of the coffee 'cause you were talking
Oh shut up.

To that woman.
Oh shut up. This is is a Neapolitan cappuccino, 150 milliliters, it's only
25 milliliters of coffee made from seven grams of beans, and then about four ounces of milk. Look at this man's elegance,
watch his movements, it's the ballet at the
machine, no movement is wasted, everything is perfect, look at him go, it's a dance, it's a dance
between man and machine. No it's not! He's making coffee.

Nice, very nice. So just
drink this down in one shot? You just had a real experience,
you should enjoy that, yeah, that's one shot, seven grams of-- Stop talking to me! Shut up, shut up, shut
up! (Audience laughs) I don't wanna know how many
grams are in here, shut up. (Audience laughs) (claps and yells) Whoa, that was good. Not gonna have another one? No I'm satisfied, I know when to stop.

And I do not. (Audience laughs) (Conan yells and grunts) Feel that, get in there, get that! (Growls energetically) (audience laughs) Yes! (Claps and snaps) (meows) (growls) (makes silly noises) Four grams of coffee,
seven grams of water, mmm, six ounces, federal law,
mmm, traditional, traditional mmm, must have traditional,
tell him I want a pumpkin spice latte. (Audience laughs) (audience laughs) Tell him I had too much coffee. (Speaks Italian) I'm crazy when I have the coffee, you know it's craziness, too much coffee, too much coffee, way too
much coffee, ladies (laughs) (growls) Wow! I don't
know what this is but yes.

This is so nice of you to
give me all these gifts. Give me your watch, give me the watch, I want the watch, give it to me. Give me your jacket, I want your jacket, you wanna be nice to the American? You're gonna give me that,
just give me that watch. Hey, give me your shoe, gimme your shoe.

I'm gonna take it all for
free 'cause I'm a guest. Ciao!
No, no, no! (Audience cheers) I'm in downtown Naples,
I just found this guy, he's incredible, sir? (Man whistles) (bird sounds) (Conan makes bird noises) (audience laughs) (Conan and man laugh) If I had been born in Naples, this is what I'd be doing right now. This is a statue of Jacino Murrat. I've never seen a statue
with such an impressive crotch bulge (audience
laughs) look at that, that's totally unnecessary,
someone accused him of stuffing his pants, and he's like, me? Stuffing my pants, no! Me? I just saw this, this
is the most frightening ice cream display I've
ever seen in my life.

I don't know how this,
why would anyone want to buy ice cream from this guy? (Giggles) Look, he's got the blood
of his latest victim on his smock right here. Ciao! Ciao! Oh, they run away. Jordan, why do they not
wish to be viewed by us? Maybe they're shy, they
need to be on television to self-validate. (Audience awws) Ciao! Scusa!
Scusa! Senore! Buonasera!
Buonasera! [Jordan] Buonasera, senore.

Can we come up?
Si! Si? Porqueno?
Is it okay? How do we get in? (Door creaks) This will be the last footage
ever seen of us alive. (Speaks Italian) Let's go! Yeah! It's amazing to be up here. (Fake opera singing)  I'm John Tuturro   I like a-pizza   I have a burro   I'm friends with a-Martin Scorsese   I like buccatini when I'm in a Firenze  (audience cheers) (speaks Italian) While we were in Naples, I was invited to appear on Italy's
most famous soap opera, Obviously, they had seen
my work in soap operas all over the world (audience laughs) Your name is?
Conan O'Brien. Now, I was about to continue
my tradition of playing a romantic lead, this time with Un Posto's beautiful Valentina Pace.

She's the one.
Hi! Oh my god. My English, it's not very good. Please, my friend will help interpret. This is my friend
Jordan.

(Audience laughs) We're not gonna, yeah,
shoots the nude women. Is there any place for him in this scene? Maybe even just a quick he
walks by, is that possible? Yeah, he could, yeah why not? Yeah. And before I knew it, it
was time for my big scene. (Speaks Italian) (audience laughs) (speaks Italian) (audience laughs) Another powerhouse
performance by Conan O'Brien.

Plus, Jordan made his soap opera debut. (Audience cheers).